My dear, dear P left Paris to go back to her Californian sun. I swear Paris got even colder afterwards...I will miss her everyday.
Of course that she had to leave in great style and so she did, with a BANG!!!!

Our last night together in Paris started with an exquisite dinner at Alsace, a restaurant on the Champs-Elysées. The food was marvelous, the restaurant wonderful, our waitress nice and warm and the christmas lights kept us company. We talked about P's experience in Paris. The best days and nights, favorite places, regrets...It was so sad in a way. Just sitting there in front of her knowing that was the last time I would have dinner with her in a long time! After this magnificent dinner, a decadent desert and three bottles of the best white wine I've ever tasted, we were trying to decide what to do for our last night. My back was killing me, I looked like an old lady always complaining when I had to get up. E was tired from the concert and her long night that ended with a bootie call to W. And P wanted to do something, but her flight was so early she knew she had to be careful. We were almost set on the idea of going home when I decided we were going to Footsie. I mean, it was the perfect place for our last night and I wasn't going home on P's last night out in Paris!! After calling our faithful waiter we headed there. P had a friend met us at the metro and stayed behind, I don't really know why. E and I went first to get a table and E had to go to the bathroom. So I ended up by entering the bar by myself. I searched the crowd for Helder, the waiter, but instead I saw someone else that made me feel like I was falling into the dark. There he was, looking even better than I remembered...T with his open smile and kind blue eyes.

I have to stop for a moment to explain who is T. Most of you know him from my early emails and tales of my life in Paris. For those of you who don't, I will try to keep it short and sweet. So I met T on my second week in Paris, on my first night at Footsie. I was smoking outside and saw him walk by. I liked him immediately, even though he's not my type at all. But there was something about the way he smiled at me. It was with great pleasure that I saw he was going to Footsie. More than that, he was the first to arrive to the table next to us. I sat with my back to him and prepared myself for the games to begin. But E spoke first and announced she liked him and she was going to get him that night! I swallowed my words and stood in silence. After a while we were all on first name basis and all of his friends had joined us. E and T talked for a while but there was nothing there and so, for destiny or just luck, I found myself doing my very familiar charm dance again. It also helped that a gorgeous british guy had just sat on the other table next to us and E and him were totally hitting of! Smoking outside sucks, but when you're trying to talk with someone is the perfect excuse. When T and I went for smoke it was still day time. I left him at 11 p.m. We liked each other right there and then and got into the business of getting to know each other. We talked about everything, discovered things in common, laughed, joked...It was the perfect first encounter. It wasn't really a date, right?! I try not to kiss on these first encounters, but wine usually doesn't help me! And so, after saying goodbye with two very polite kisses on his cheeks, I heard a voice inside of me saying "Fuck it!". I turned around, pulled him against me and kissed him. It was one of those perfect first kisses when the world silences itself for a moment and your knees really tremble. We looked at each other so surprised that we've found each other. I mean, how many times did you meet someone like that, that gets really under your skin, at a bar? Exactly! We've exchange texts, happy, delirious texts! We met the following week for a proper date. It was perfect, just wonderful! And also the last time I saw him. That was two months ago! And so the girl that came to Paris with no intention of falling in love, found herself daydreaming about the possibilities: "What if..?" One thing we both agreed on that date was that life had taught us both that there's no point in making plans. What I didn't know was that I was about to get another of those lessons. After a few weeks exchanging emails and texts (he was leaving his job, so he was very, very busy!) T disappeared for a week. I really didn't know what to think...But I wasn't expecting the explanation his next email brought me. He apologized for the silence and for a secret. He was on the process of separating from his ex girlfriend and so was still looking for an apartment. Ok! Just like a bomb...He had/has a girlfriend?! They live together?! It was obvious there was nothing there for me... Although I was feeling something that I haven't felt for a long time and although I just wanted to be with him, I had to recognize it wasn't the right time. And so I let him be so that he could settle in his new life. I tried to keep in touch with the vague hope that maybe one day we could try to be together... During these two months there was a friendly email here and there, but nothing much. Until two weeks ago. It began with a casual email from me just to ask how things were going. He replied saying he would like to see me again. I read his email one, two, three times and decided to say yes. I wanted to see him again as well, that was the truth. We set everything for the week after, he would call. But he didn't. And so we get back to the moment when I saw him at Footsie...

He greeted me with a happy smile. I was still trying to absorb all the information, to be honest. And tried really hard to focus on other things. But he kept pulling me to him, asking me questions, saying how good I looked, how nice it was to see me again...On this sentence I stopped him and calmly said "You could have seen me sooner if you had called". And he showed me a text on his phone, addressed to me, asking me for a coffee or something the next day. Hummm, this was my reaction. I took the girls to our table and sat with a glass of wine. Except wine wasn't enough so I switched to rum! But I knew we had to talk sooner or later, it was just a matter of time. So when I saw the girls having fun at the table I went for it and invited him, of course, for a cigarette. He apologized once again and began to charm me. And so did I. It was like those months had never existed. We were at the same place, together again, it was all so familiar, so right... And so we kissed. And kissed some more remembering how good it is. With stupid smiles on our faces we confessed our happiness and spent the rest of the night touching each other and kissing. I was truly, delirious happy :) P was on her own mission. She had decided she was going to kiss one last french boy before she leave and so she was running up and down the bar drinking and looking. Drinking being the key word in here.

I will stop with the details at this point because everything that followed was just too horrible and I don't want to revisit it all over again. So let's stick with the facts: P felt sick and threw up all of our wonderful dinner. Then she passed out. E was possessed by this rage and anger against T, screaming like a mad woman. And I was trying to manage all of this. It was a long night that seemed the longest of my life. P lost her plain the next day and had to stay in Paris two more days. E fell when she got home and hurt her arm. And I went home wondering why my nights can't just be simple and happy....

I will fill you in on my new affair soon...

"It's all happening...!"

Until next time,

papillon